Letter to Spencer

To my son, Spencer,

You are more wonderful than your mama and I ever could have imagined. From the moment we first called you our little “Spark,” you’ve held a special place in our hearts. Even before you were born, you were constantly in our thoughts, filling our hearts with excitement and anticipation.

Our journey began with my egg retrieval, as we wanted to give you the best start, even though we weren’t quite ready for you yet. We had a few bumps along the road and things didn’t always play out the way we expected. There were smiles and laughs and tears and hard decisions made.

Fast forward another year and a half, and here you are: the most perfect, kindest, sweetest boy I’ve ever laid eyes on. Somehow you’ve already filled every corner of my heart. Looking at your tiny fingers, your sleepy eyes, your chitter chatter, your giggles and splashing in the bath, and the gentle rise and fall of your chest as you breathe fills me with a love I never could have imagined before you arrived. You have my whole heart, not to mention your mama’s, your eight grandparents’, and all of your aunties and uncles’. In the short 3.5 months you have been on this earth, you’ve already made such a lasting impression on so many people’s lives and fill so many with love. I can’t wait to celebrate my first Mother’s Day with you as my beautiful son.

You already make this world a better place, and I hope you continue to do so with your whole heart. Do it with grace, kindness, and softness, but always be strong in your gut, your heart and in your feelings, finding the balance in it all.

You won’t remember these early moments, but I will. I’ll remember the first time you opened your eyes and looked at me, as if trying to understand who I was. I’ll remember your first cry, your first diaper change, and the first time you curled your hand around my finger and refused to let go, the first time you peed on me and the first time you rolled over (that was today 😊). Already, you’ve changed me, reminding me what it means to be present, to love without conditions, and to be both fierce and gentle at once.

This world you’re entering can be both beautiful and so hard. You’ll laugh and stumble, you’ll feel joy and heartbreak, and through it all, I want you to know that you are never alone. I will be here to cheer for you, to catch you when you fall, to listen, to teach, and to learn from you, too. I won’t always get it right—I’m new at this just like you—but I promise to try with all my heart.

Someday, you’ll grow up and become your own person, with dreams, questions, fears, and hopes I can’t predict. But no matter where life takes you, you will always be my son, and I will always be proud to be your parent.

Thank you for choosing us. Thank you for being you. I can’t wait to see the person you become and watch you grow.